It’s a horrible situation, you have nothing in common and the longer you sit there the more faults you can find with them, you start grinding your teeth as they are talking.
The best option is to tell the truth, just say you are sorry but you don’t feel you have anything/enough in common to continue your date. It’s surprising how you will then relax, finish your drink and casually chat knowing the pressure is off… I have made a few good friends this way.
If you can’t face being honest or hurting their feelings then rather than extend the agony just use one of these get out of a bad date free cards.
Receive a phone call
It’s an old one and your date will know it’s a fib but it gets the message across and you out of there without too much fuss or embarrassment.
Get a friend or family member to call you one hour after you are due to meet your date. Arrange how you will answer the phone, if you like your date you could answer “make it quick, I’m busy” but if you don’t like them try “hey I didn’t expect to hear from you, is everything ok?” .. change the words slightly, they may have read this too.
If it’s a lunch date then you are needed back at work pronto to deal with an irate client/boss, flood, surprise audit or Cindy from accounting’s broken nail.
If a night time date then your friends goldfish, dog, child, husband or second cousin twice removed has just died, had an accident, given birth (perhaps not if its their husband or 6 year old), swallowed the house keys or run away with the circus.
The excuse really doesn’t matter, what matters is that you get the message across that you are cutting the date short and leaving … now!!
Put them off
If you don’t care how many people they tell what a rotten date you are then be a rotten date.
Break every rule for a first date:
a) women be a gold digger .. say things like “I want to go to Barbados on holiday but can’t afford it, hopefully I’ll meet someone soon that will pay for it for me” or “I dumped my last partner because the cheapskate only spent bought me a new car for my birthday and I’m worth so much more” or “so how much do you earn, I hope it’s more than my ex”.
b) men be really cheap .. complain about the prices of drinks, talk about how your ex would waste money on things like make-up, sanitary products or rubbish like sliced bread .. when unsliced bread is just so much cheaper.
b) your ex is a superhero .. talk incessantly about how fabulous your ex was, turn every subject into a story about your ex .. they were gorgeous, caring, talented, great in bed and you just know you will never meet anyone that can match up to them.
c) tell them all about your (hopefully imaginary) illness .. manic depression, schizophrenia, suicide attempts or herpes. Go into gory details about uncontrollable mood swings, ‘voices’ that tell you what to do, stomach pumping or scars and scabs. Preferably do this while you are eating.
d) be arrogant and complain about everything, talk too loudly and complain, complain, complain. Food too organic, drinks too wet, film too loud, weather too weathery, everyone you ever met was an idiot and far inferior to you (not just dates but at work, school, your hairdresser, dentist, etc).
e) be an ‘ist’ .. whether it’s a racist, sexist, ageist or just all round hate everything-ist .. tell your date that you wished you lived in a society where gays and old people are killed off, coloured people were still slaves that know their place, it should be legal for people to beat their kids or ask your date what’s really wrong with paedophilia.
Try one of these and see how long it takes before your date receives a phone call and has to go rescue their friends goldfish from the circus.
Run Away
In absolute desperate situations just be rude and leave, say you are going to the toilet and don’t come back. It’s not a nice thing to leave anyone sitting there but once you get out of the car park call them and say you had to go .. then switch your phone off.
Desperate Measures
If all else fails stuff a load of paper towels in the toilet dustbin and set fire to them .. you may spend a while in prison for arson but you’ll have had the perfect excuse to get out of a bad date.
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