One Big Trap: Idolizing Someone's Marriage

My dear readers - -

I remember the days in my first marriage when we would go out with other couples.  I would look at how the other husbands would talk to their wives, sometimes with a sparkle in their eye.  Or they'd reach out for their wife's hand, give them a smile or a wink here and there, give them compliments in public.  I watched this stuff like a hawk, because it seemed as if they really loved each other.  I always wondered what that would be like.  I loved my husband in that way, but at the time I knew that he either didn't love me or he just had a really difficult time when it came to feeling & showing love.  I tried to believe the latter (& I think he did, too) and I just learned to accept that he was that way.  But I still fantasized  about being loved.    

There were moments when it felt like there was some hope for something real & lasting.  But overall, those moments never really stuck.  If there was ever a good day, there was always a really bad day to trump it with a very loud and clear message from him that he was not comfortable in our marriage.  I lived a very sad & lonely existence.  Those were the earlier years in our marriage before I learned how to choose my own happiness.  And without that skill under my belt, those were hard, dark days. 

One reason they were so hard is I idolized that which I did not have & was clearly longing for something outside of myself to make me happy.  Luckily I couldn't be further from living in that dark way now.  And thank goodness, cause there's a lot of you with families that I could covet like crazy.  :) Though can you imagine living that way all these years?  That would be such a sad way to live.   

But it has come to my attention that some of our dear readers read our blog and long for what we have whether it is time, freedom, date nights, happiness, marriage, etc.  

If this is you - - may I tell you that happiness comes in all forms.  But one thing I do know:  the-best-ever-lasting-happiness does not come because of a marriage (nor does it come from children).  Those that took our "Choosing Happiness" class got more nitty gritty on this & know why I would say that :)

So, may I plead with anyone out there who may need to hear this - do not idolize that which you don't have.  Coveting and envy is the energy of ignoring whatever it is that you have.  It's the energy of desiring to have your circumstances (or other people) control your wellness.  If you find yourself idolizing someone else's life or marriage, let that be a gentle reminder to you to reassess.

And, if you covet anything, covet character.  Rejoice in someone else's good marriage and wisdom and say:  I will learn from them; I will follow their path; I will use my own marriage to develop those skills & virtues for myself.  You can develop character no matter what state your spouse is in, no matter what your spouse does.  If you choose to pursue virtues, you'll come out on top.   

To sum it up, as Danny says...

"Stand where you are & LIVE."

So perfect.  That man always knows what to say.  :)

Love to all,